It's real

I tell you, it's real. Surreal.

Time here passes wayy too fast. It's already week 5 of school and just 13 weeks in total for this sem!

No I don't feel good. It's supposed to be a happy time. But what's a happy time when you've got the environment but not the people you want with you? This is craaaazzzzy. It's a good experience but I don't need green grass blue skies if I don't have who I want.

Well. I know I gotta treasure my time, but I'm human and I'll make allowances for such moments. This weekend I'm going to the craft fair muhahaha! Thank god for being able to keep in touch with the other side of the world through Internet. Wonders of it! If not I'll probably be eagerly waiting for a letter that arrives once every 3 months by zee Silk Road. Or the whatever sea.

Being over there it might seem like it's mundane, you're doing the same old things over again, but lemme tell you; I'm not you. I don't know what you have for breakfast, what interesting things you see on your way out, whether you met a new friend etc. When I say I went out skiing or have been to a brand new shopping area that's humongous I just wanna share. I just wanna tell you what is it like over here and the new experiences I'm getting. Happiness ain't happiness without sharing. Maybe it's the distance, but I kinda feel like I've lost something here. That's also probably why someone can just stop sharing like that. Maybe it was in the past when mentioned about trying harder, but you can't exactly try harder when you're more or less talking to a brick wall. It'll really be good to know the little details. The little bits that make up the big picture, that make up you.

right. write.

When I do readings regarding my future job and what I've been studying for the past 3 years, it sometimes seems like a whole lot to do. Then you get those parts where you read stories and real-life experiences and they somehow, make you believe you can be a little better. After all my clinical experiences in sg and supervisors, colleagues that I've met, it makes me go 'I wanna be that kind of supervisor. I wanna do well in what I'm doing, take pride in it and make it real'.

Studying Occupational Therapy, about it being a mix of Science & Arts, to me, brings about the interest readings of OT all around the world. As with anything and anyone else, even the profession itself is subjected to cultural, societal, economic etc influences. OT here isn't the same as OT there (with me being neither nor there, I don't know where here is). I left half a heart in sg, the other half is exploring, living for myself, interacting with a new environment and having fun!

When I become a therapist, I really really wanna make sure I'm myself; I may change over time according to what I'll experience and my beliefs, but I wanna be as comfortable as I can, knowing that humans have limitations, if we don't know it, it's all right, there's where we get a chance to know more and learn. As someone with years of working experience, that's just the difference between him/her and a new graduate/new person coming to study OT. We're all good in some stuff.

Seeing my friends finally start work (okay so not literally seeeeeing) also makes me hope that however fast-paced or stressful the work environment will be, I'll be able to put my own positive light to it, take things in my stride and be proud of my work. I wanna make that little difference to a client's life. I wanna be able to geninuely feel happiness when someone shows improvement and not go about doing things monotonously saying "Bagus encik!". We need to give encouragement as and when appropriate.

Doing the humongous Model essay in Yr 3 also put us to thinking about our own personal values in a Venn diagram with our encounters and OT. Man, I don't know about others, but that certainly did make me write. Even if we did not realize what we were writing about, reading it now eons after the writing started can be a stepping stone to realizing what we want out of this profession.

I never saw myself choosing this path before. It was just a wandering into the OT booth and Psychology and Sociology having that something 'missing' in the local unis. At that time, I couldn't put my finger to what was that missing thing, I just felt its presence, it was just there. There was just this sixth sense telling me that though I wasn't sure what exactly OT was at that time, I didn't 100% hope/pray/wish I'll get into local unis into those courses.

It's pretty amazing, once you get onto it. It opens up a new world, where people may be more vulnerable than before, where you see emotions you don't usually see. Where you learn and experience those emotions for yourself. Nothing remains unaffected and we're all interdependent. As long as I move, the river your side will flow. I don't know how in the future I and everybody else will turn out to be, that leaves more to wonder.

I like interacting with some people/most people/no people. I think some people are deeper to figure out, but maybe they're not so deep after all. I like life, it gives me opportunities and pleasure, I get to do fun things and enjoy my moments with my favourite people. I know who I love and maybe there are more to come. So why this? Maybe it's just a teeny weeny feeling again, of something incomplete, of something not quite there. Or maybe I just had stuff to talk about, to get off my chest.

Feel

Maybe it doesn't really matter
if you don't ask, don't enquire
Even if you don't post photos of us together,
or give me something of yours to remember
Maybe even if you couldn't/didn't/wouldn't
or didn't think about it
Maybe it's not your style
to share how you feel
I don't know how it matters
But I would really really love it,
if you'll tell me so

Excitingness!

Meet Owlet.


Owlet visits the knitting.

Owlet meets Totoro.

Totoro: I must be taller than you! *climbs onto packet drink*

Owlet takes a look.


Owlet goes for a drive in Totoro.


Before

After!

Muahah! I forsee my life becoming more and more filled with fun stuff and of course, schoolwork! This Sat I'm going to MOUNT BULLERRR to see the snowww! Fingers crossed, I want everybody to keep safe. Time to build a snowman yo!

And this Sunday I'm gonna explore a new shopping centre! New because I haven't been there hahahahah so yeps. Valleygirl! Wakaka. Waiting for winter sales and jacket sales. Haiii.

This week I've got some stuff to hand up and next week there's a poster presentation too! Gotta make it boomz! I've got a funny lecturer who comments on something on me almost everytime he sees me, like previously it was my nails and today it was my hat. That's not the point, but it made me realize it's either I'm not paying attention or I can't get the Aussie slang.. yet. He spoke to me and after 2 seconds I was wondering why my classmate and him were staring at me. Apparently they were like waiting for a response but ohwells. Hahhaa..

I bought my owlet finally! Like after what, three weeks? 2nd time I went Sunday Market, saw it but didn't buy, 3rd it rained, 4th the stall wasn't there. Mans. Ooohhh and I'm like having to plan when I can drink bubble tea! Cuz I haven't seen any good bubble tea stores nearby (why don't they have one in school?) and travelling to town takes at least an hour. So I'm gonna chow some bubble tea next week!

I made bobochacha and it's yummy! Man. I'm really glad I got my household training wayyy before I came. So now even chores seem easier and anw I only have one room and a spot in the kitchen to bother about. Luckily I've been used to doing laundry, getting food and stuff. Grocery shopping is becoming a major part of life! Never knew food was so fun! Hahhaha. I need to improve on my stuffed mushrooms tho, maybe add more spices or something for it to be more fragrant.

The weather nowadays is nuts. Weekend it was reaaaallll good, esp for going out and shopping and buying food. So you don't have to worry about cold wind in your face as you're bothering about something else. But today! It was freeezing mad! Heard it was 9 degrees. It'll b like that for the next couple days with rain I suppose. Brwar. Just when spring's supposed to come.

I did pilates tonight and sometimes I feel its good for stretching muscles but sometimes I feel it's just nonsense of something. I havent made up my mind as to what to think about it. Rwar. Mans and the weather or something always leaves me hungry. I always want to eat/munch on something. I've got chocolate cake, biscuits, tea, more chocolate, chips, fruits and that's a whole lot! Luckily my kitchen is quiet so I kinda have the place to myself, abeit with a few people around. Oompha. A bowl of laksa/tomyam would still do good now.

I've been thinking of travelling! Well thinking is always good. At least it gives a more long term goal in mind and I can slowly jio the people or see who's interested. Yiiipsss! Hehehhh. Aussie is a good place to start with yo, with friendly people, nice skies, bright stars at night and interesting places to go and see!

I need/want to eat (fun to list down for now): Laksa, chicken rice, curry fish head, CHARKWAYTEOW, tomyam soup, fish noodle soup, nasi lemak, teh-peng (oh man I miss teh-peng), bak ku teh, Prima Deli waffles with kaya, Ya Kun french toast, teh-oh peng, steamed fish, fried kangkong with sambal chilli, chilli crab and mantou, DIMSUM, fried carrot cake, cheecheongfun.. the list will go on. I'll think of more and add as I go. Haha. Man, you really gotta experience being away to miss it; I can hear friends telling me they're envious and they wanna be here!

I might just treat myself to a salmon steak if the time and money are right.

Hmm

You know sometimes I'll just get a sudden push to blog or write or pen down my thoughts. Of course with computers it's faster than writing, but nothing beats reading a book and thumbing through the pages. Which reminds me, I have two new books to read! Hehhh.

So today we went to city to ExtraGreen (interesting name yo) and booked our Mount Buller trip! Woohoo! Skiing and snow for the first time in my life! Will definitely keep safe and not anyhow run about haha. Which reminds me, and gets me thinking again.

There are times in life when you just wanna share this particular moment with someone/some people and it's not possible. Like how I can't determine who I'll be with right now. Having little moments like remembering salsa dance, the talks of backpacking and road trips, bits and pieces of life serve to remind me of the past memories I had and shared with important ones. As in theory that we learnt, it's the subscribing of meaning to a certain item, that carries the weight of the significance to us and is different to everyone. I used to recall bus numbers I took and think about them when I saw the bus passing by, or shopping centres would make me think about my after-school hours spent there. And such..

I don't know if I'm missing something, but perhaps now is a time when I'm thinking about what I'm doing (always been thinking anw) and whether there's actually more to do. I'm afraid I can't tell when exactly is my flow of happiness until I do a recall and think yeah, compared to other moments those were the really good ones. Time can heal but scars can also remain and there's a reason why they're there.

Oh and I bought new earrings! They're my 一见钟情。Muahahha. And I saw these OWL CERAMIC figurines at Harvey Norman!! So cuteee!! But they're like what, 9.95 each?? Haii. Am gonna look for my wire owl figurine tomorrow at the Sunday Market, dunno if it'll still be there. Perhaps I shall go crazy before I fly back and buy the cutest owls to display at home! Muahahha! Owl collection!

Why owls? I don't know. I've had fascinations for stuff different from other people as long as I've known. I like owls, sheep, giraffes and cows for soft toys/displays. I don't know if the stuff I do/like is considered odd/quirky but sometimes people do tell me I'm different. Some tell me I'm hard to figure out while I thought there are many more people harder to figure. I'm told I'm random but that's just really that I'm thinking lotsa stuff inside my head and if you knew every aspect of my life you'll know why that happens. But it's good, because I have found people who appreciate me as I am although we all have our shortcomings.

Haa. See? By reflecting on this I'm already thinking. Why do people say all that? Hmmm. It really gets you going about how others view you because you being yourself you probably can't tell. And by the way I reconnected with some people, I learnt it never hurts to give a compliment to the person no matter how minute or small it may seem.

As part of thinking

I rarely blogged about my schoolwork and career. Perhaps just about rushing assignments and stuff. Maybe not so deep cuz I just don't say it out. Here's to share:

Look Closer - See Me

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you are looking at me -
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud dvoice, "I do wish you'd try."
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you are thinking; is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT ME!
I'll tell you who i am, as I sit here so still,
As I live at your bidding, as I eat at your will,
I'ma small child of ten with a father and mother;
Brother and sisters, who love one another;
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet;
A bride soon at twenty - my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promise to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own;
Who need me to build a secure, happy home.
A woman at thirty, my young now grow fast;
Bound to each other with ties that should last.

At forty, my young sons have grown and have gone,
But my man's beside me to se I don't mourn.
At fifty once more babies play 'round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my hubsand is dead.
I look at the future, I shudder with dread
For my young are still rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel -
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The bod it crumbles, grace and vigor adepart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells.
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few - gone too fast;
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman - look closer - SEE ME.

- written by an unknown old woman before she died in a geriatric hospital in Scotland.
retrieved: http://www.inthenameofthemother.com/doc/ElderAbuseBooklet%20Singapore.pdf

Makes you think, huh? (: I'll be thinking again.